Moments Series: Always and Forever
by Su Freund
Summary: Jack's thoughts at the prospect of losing Sam. PoV, Episode Tag for Metamorphosis.


Title: The Moments Series – Always and Forever

Author: Su Freund

Website: www ficwithfins com (insert . instead of spaces in the address)

Category: PoV, Episode Tag

Content Warnings: Use of mild language

Pairings: Jack and Sam

Season: Six

Spoilers: Metamorphosis

Rating: PG, for language

Summary: Jack's thoughts at the prospect of losing Sam.

Sequel/Series Info: Drabble series of POVs based on a moment from an episode – now called The Moments Series.

Status: Complete

Disclaimer: Not mine and sadly never will be. No copyright infringement is intended. Copyright © 2004 Su Freund

Archive: My site, Jack and Sam's Pad, Jackfic, SJD

Author's Note: Called a drabble ficlet because each individual paragraph is 100 words long. This series is not necessarily written or appearing in episode order so does not follow a particular sequence - except my whim in writing them. I wrote this because, on Jack and Sam's Pad Yahoo Group, Vegas Barbie and Michelle Birkby both asked for Metamorphosis based "Moments". Don't know if it's anything like you would have wanted, friends, but enjoy!

**The Moments Series – Always and Forever **

Don't try kidding me that you're fine. You know they say never kid a kidder, well I'm with them. I can see you're not fine. God, I want you to be. Please don't die, Sam, don't leave me. I can't bear to lose you. You've become so important to me, to my life, and you don't even know. It's scary. I might lose you. To lose you like that… to lose you at all… It's unthinkable, intolerable. Take me Nirrti you bitch! I'd gladly die so she can live. If she dies, how will I live? Told you it's scary.

I've come close to losing you before and it sucks big time! We've always made it and we've gotta make it now. You've saved my ass so many times Sam. I never really thanked you for that. Ungrateful bastard! No, not ungrateful, just lacking some of the subtleties. I'm merely an ordinary guy and you require an extraordinary one, so keep looking! That's tough on me, but I wouldn't know what to say… how to say any of those things that I should say. Please don't go until I've had my chance to say them, to tell you… aw, crap!

Sheesh, Jack, you can't even bring yourself to think it. Admit that you love her, you fool. Samantha Carter, I love you! Not supposed to, but I do. Right from the get go I knew you'd be trouble with a capital T, but also something good. Despite that, I never suspected this would happen. Over the years I fell in love with you so desperately, completely, madly. You probably wouldn't guess how deep that feeling has become, or maybe you would. This eye contact we shared opened my soul to you Sam, only too clearly. You have such beautiful eyes!

If you leave me now those eyes will haunt me. I have to find a way to save you Sam. I owe you one, probably half a dozen actually, but that's not the only reason why. It's obvious why. I'd sacrifice anything for you, anything at all. Without you around I'd probably fall apart. There are too few stitches keeping me together at the seams. You comprise quite a few of 'em, and there's Teal'c, and others, memories; my family. You're the most important… thing in the world…? Jeeze I sooo should not be thinking like this. Told you; scary.

Even the thought of Daniel doing his glowy thing out there helps keep me glued together a little, although when he died I wanted to fall apart. Kept that well hidden though. I regret not being there for you when it happened, Sam, because I know you wanted and needed that, but I wasn't capable. It took all my energy to keep me going and I had nothing left for anyone else. So if you leave me, how bad is that gonna be? Pretty darned bad; scary bad. The 'it doesn't bear thinking about' kind of bad. Crapity, crap, crap!

Your head leaning on my shoulder feels so good. Wish it was better circumstances. My couch, holding me, smiling and laughing, that would be real nice. The park, sitting on a bench, watching our kids play, that would be kind of great. Remember Thera and Jonah? I miss that, yearn for it. Would it be better to be a slave on an ice planet with you than a free thinking man without you? Whoa Jack, back up. What are you thinking? Kids? Dammit, man, you're cracking up! You can't do that, pal, you have to save Sam! That's what's important.

It's been an honor, privilege and pleasure, to serve with you Sam, watching you grow, mature and become another you. I've grown with you, evolved into someone better than I was. We make a pretty good team, you and I, and I wish things could have been different for us. How can I sit by and watch you melt into a puddle of water? Shit! What a painful, horrible death. The bitch is depriving you of the life you deserve, the happiness, the heroic death or, better, living to a ripe old age having retired a hero, and a General.

Leave her alone, bitch, and take me! Life's so unfair. I feel powerless to act and, man, I so hate that. It really pisses me off. Yet I must save her, save them all. I can be patient, wait and take my chances if they come, make them if I can. That's one of the things I'm good at, spotting an opening and pressing home that advantage. All I need is time and an opportunity, however small. Doesn't look like she's got much time left so I've got to do something soon. God give me a chance, any chance, please!

Poor Evanov. What just happened to him could happen to you any time now. Christ, I'm scared, Sam, more scared than I've felt in a long time. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm never scared, I am, I'm only human, it's just this is… different. I dream so much for us. I know we aren't ready for what we both want and need and I'm afraid it'll be too late. If I don't lose you now, I'll lose you some day. I guess it's inevitable. You'll leave me and find a grown up to fall in love with.

When you do, that's okay. It'll break my heart, but it's okay. I'd never blame you for it. You deserve more than a jaded old guy like me can ever offer. I'd give up my hopes and dreams for us right now if I thought that would save you. It won't so I'll keep 'em tucked up tight and bring 'em out to play on high days and holidays. Then, when it's time for you to leave me, I'll bow out gracefully and let you be happy. Hope you know I'll be there for you whatever; always and forever Sam.

Here's Jonas. What's been keeping him? Will he melt right in front of my eyes too? God, I can't cope with this! Hey, it's my turn. Okay, bitch, I can take it. Just let the others go. Cure Sam! This might be my small chance. Keep your eyes open for it Jack. Hang on in there Sam because Colonel Jack O'Neill is gonna find a white horse to rescue you with, you see if I don't! There's no way I'm letting a member of my team die, not after Daniel. I'm not watching you die too - pray I die first!

End


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